Hello, and happy new year!!!
I always seem to start my posts with “oh it’s been a while, sorry” but the truth is this time I had no idea what to write as I’ve been lost for words since what me and my family had to cope with over the Christmas break.
I think that day was the worse day of my life, I lost the woman who was my second mum, the woman who used to burn my toast, the woman who was obsessed with noodles like I am, the woman who taught me the twist, the woman who only ever drank tea, the woman who used to wake me up at stupid o’clock in the morning asking if I wanted tea, the woman who had the evilest cat in the world, the woman who made the best egg sandwiches, the woman that told me amazing stories about her life when she was my age, the woman who used to brush my hair one hundred times before I went to sleep, the woman who never had her heating off, the woman who had the best sense of humour even when she got ill. I lost my gran and I attended my first funeral during Christmas and new year. Anytime is hard to lose a loved one but christmas is the hardest.
All I kept thinking about was these bloody slippers she asked me for, they had to have faux fur inside them and they had to have a heel, talk about specific haha. She was unique, beautiful and always full of life. God took her too soon and I cherish every memory I have of her everyday. I’ve never really been old enough to understand death, I’ve always been too young. But I feel like I’m missing my heart, I feel lost, my whole family does. Everyone has been saying “it gets easier” and I believe them but I don’t understand how it does, that hole in my heart will never heal, and I don’t know how to feel happy, I feel guilty if I smile like I have forgotten her for that split second. I feel as though she keeps an eye on us though, looking down from above, I hope she helps us to get through this somehow because we’re all so lost at the moment.
Now I have to start a new year and new chapter in my life without such a special person, I hope I do her proud.