I’m at the point in my life where I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall, I suppose everyone reaches this stage at least once or even many times in their life. But I feel stuck, stuck on a journey where I don’t know what the destination is, I mean I know I’m only twenty one and have my whole life ahead of me but I don’t feel content with where my life is leading. I feel like I did everything wrong, I feel as though I should of chose the subjects at school which would benefit me not the ones I enjoyed. Then maybe I could be at med school right now making an amazing career for myself, I mean I like the course I’m doing just now – Graphic Design – but I try and picture my life in a few years and I have no idea what to do because I feel as though I’m gonna be stuck in my shitty job I am in now.
Your probably thinking what a worrier, well this is how my brain works when I’m overwhelmed by my anxiety. I’ve struggled the last few months, slowly cutting myself off from the world and most of the people in it. Then I complain that my friends make no effort, who wants to hang out with someone who never seems happy, because the worry overweighs the happiness.
I feel very lonely some days and others I feel so loved – they are rare but they happen. I’ve been trying to read more, to focus my mind on one thing, also got taken off my anxiety tablets due to them not helping my asthma. But I decided rather than new meds I’d try something that won’t make anything else in my body worse. So I started Kalms, it says to take six a day but they make my very sleepy so I’ve been sticking to two a day and I have to say they are easing my mind from a thousand thoughts to hundred. If they took all my worries away I’d be shouting about them from the clouds. They have also been helping me sleep, I used to sit up all night worrying about one stupid thing, don’t worry we know the excessive worrying is stupid we don’t choose to do it us who suffer.
Although I worry mostly every day, I have been smiling and laughing a lot recently, but a smile can hide many things. I have to give the credit to my college friends they are insane, I feel like I can really be myself around them. So if any of you guys reading this that suffer, find yourself a crazy bunch of friends because I’ve never had friends that make me cry with laughter every single day. Another reason is a guy, to find someone who wants to stick around after you’ve explained your anxiety to them is unlikely but this person does and I’m glad. I’m still struggling to let people in, I’ve been myself for a long time now and to let someone in is hard especially after the last two years I’ve had. But if these people are making me smile and laugh every day I am extremely greatful to them.
I feel like I just needed to get a lot of stuff out my system and sometimes writing it all down helps. If any of you feel how I feel the now and have ways that you cope with things, please don’t hesitate to share them with me, I’ve tried a few apps and yoga etc but always like trying new things that will help.
I’m now going to leave you guys with this quote that I found which I really love.
Good night 💗